I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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