bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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