he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
