I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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