I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
one might say we're banned from that church
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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