I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
