its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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