the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
