Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize