Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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