Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
