Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
