How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
