Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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