ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
