His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
