I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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