New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have aggressive nipples.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize