it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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