Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize