think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
