Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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