i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I won the penis lottery.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize