Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
