I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
