New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
