chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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