her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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