I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
