Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
