i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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