Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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