i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
