sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need help removing her.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
