thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
