Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
