So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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