:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
