There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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