i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
