You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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