Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
