According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
