There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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