my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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