I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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