Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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