I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize