Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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