Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
