Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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