if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize