i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
