I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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