I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
