So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize