What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
