she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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