i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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