you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
