he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
