and you said cock pushups were impossible
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
