I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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