sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize