doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
