yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
