On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
