Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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