happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
