watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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