i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
