I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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