How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize