So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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