bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
