I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You ate ashes out of my bong
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
