I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize