I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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