Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
