What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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