Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sober January is a disaster.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
