Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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