there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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