it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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