The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize