i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
