Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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