I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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