I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
