I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
