Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize