And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
