not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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