Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
