I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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