Soap is not a condiment
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
