Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
