Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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