He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
