i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
