i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
