Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No stitches, just platelets and will power
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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