Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
